Perfect isn’t sexy
Thank God. But confidence is sexy. I’ve interviewed fabulous strippers, dancers and body-positive goddesses who convinced me the ‘crap’ about my body is in my head. Your thighs are so bumpy they read like a braille War And Peace? So what?
Be happy naked. Undress sexily. Run your hands over and towards the parts of your body you’re especially confident about and draw your partner’s eyes there. Enjoy the shapes your body makes.
When I turn over in bed my fat stomach hits the mattress about four seconds before the rest of me. But so what? My tummy is warm and soft and freckly and gorgeous. Men don’t want perfect. Women don’t want perfect. Our bodies are amazing — look what they can do! — so give them, and you, a break.
There is no universal turn-on
One size, thankfully, does not fit all. You have to find out what floats each other’s boat. So do that by talking, people. But don’t move too fast. A recent date sent me a text asking if I had pubic hair. On the train back from our first meet. Doesn’t hirsute you, sir.
Great sex is at hand
Not getting any? ‘Hello, porn and sex toys.’ Married? Those gems are still here. And if you find it hard to orgasm? There are Orgasmic! classes at the brilliant Sh! Women’s Erotic Emporium in London.
Millennials DO have sex
I know stats are saying they don’t but I’m not seeing that. Or, rather, I see the younger generation as far more broad-minded than mine. Queer, straight, asexual, pansexual, polyamorous, trouples… Their world seems freer.
‘Compersion’ is a thing
Nope, no clue either. My polyamorous friends talk about it. Let Google explain: ‘The feeling of joy associated with seeing a loved one love another; contrasted with jealousy.’ Not. In. My. Lifetime.
Not to judge
I’ve interviewed so many people, including swingers, BDSM lovers, porn stars, a Corduroy Club member (gets off on the cloth) and a dom and her slave, Chicken Boy. To a man/woman/feather, they seemed happier than me. Don’t judge. Legendary former call girl Belle de Jour told me ‘a lot of enthusiasm’ is key.
Stop writing about sex
Perhaps most importantly, I’ve learnt not to take a sex gig again. When I had my GQ sex column I managed to not have sex the entire year I had the page. And, again, no sexy times since we started the podcast in February… WT(no)F?
Who is Bibi?
Bibi first wrote for porn mags (under the name Jenny Taylor. Let that sink in…), then glossies (eg ‘I’m off to Orgasm School. You coming?’ for More!) then co-wrote an ITV late-night sex quiz called Carnal Knowledge and had a sex column in GQ. She co-hosts her Good Sex Bad Sex podcast with comedian and writer Miranda Kane, whose advice is: ‘People should be able to have safe, sane and consensual sex without fear, shame or judgement.’ Amen to that.
■ Bibi’s Good Sex Bad Sex podcast is available on all major platforms